


In Which We See the Disaster Bi In Their Natural Habitat

by kitkatt0430



Series: Spooktober - 2019 [3]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Barry is also a disaster bi, Eddie is a disaster bi, M/M, Pining, barry is oblivious, halloween office party, it'd help if he stopped walking into walls, one-sided Barry/Iris, trying so hard to be less of a disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-20 23:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21064622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatt0430/pseuds/kitkatt0430
Summary: Eddie is the newbie on the force at the CCPD and he wants to make a good impression.  Instead he starts the day nearly walking into a wall because the in house CSI is too cute for words.  And Eddie is an easily distracted disaster.





	In Which We See the Disaster Bi In Their Natural Habitat

Eddie's first day at work as a detective at the CCPD almost got off to a good start. He was on time, had breakfast and coffee before leaving his apartment, all his paperwork was in order, he was headed towards the Captain's office...

And then Eddie caught sight of someone dashing up the stairs out of the corner of his eye. So Eddie turned to look. Brown hair and a cute ass are about all Eddie has time to register before he almost smacks into the door frame leading into the bullpen where the Captain's office is located.

Much as Eddie hopes no one saw that, several people inside clearly did, in fact see him, and as far as they're aware? Eddie didn't 'almost' smack into the door frame. He did walk right into it.

Great.

* * *

The brunet with the very, very distracting ass wrapped up in skinny jeans turned out to be one Barry Allen, chronically late CSI. He runs a lot, apparently, showing up to crime scenes out of breath and flushed. He's also incredibly intelligent, able to Sherlock scan a crime scene at a glance. Which was unnervingly hot.

Eddie was used to Sherlock scanning being a tv plot device. He was used to the characters who did it tending to be, well, assholes. Which, in turn, made the shows unwatchable to Eddie. Barry, though... Barry was quite real. And a soft, squishy hearted, adorkably sexy... there wasn't a mean bone in the guy's body, basically

And Eddie wouldn't mind getting to know Barry's body better... especially when Barry bent over evidence like that, his pants straining against his ass...

Thoroughly flushed, Eddie had to ask the witness he was interviewing to repeat something. Twice.

His partner was never going to let him hear the end of it once he realized what - or who, rather - had Eddie so distracted.

* * *

Eddie was determined to ask Barry out on a date. Or a pre-date? Coffee. He'd ask him to coffee and that would be safe, in case Barry was dating someone already or not into guys...

He'd practiced asking Barry out the night before. Eddie had a game plan. It was going to go really well...

But then there was a woman in Barry's lab when Eddie poked his head in. She introduced herself as Iris West.

"Yeah, Detective West is my dad," she said before Eddie could ask. Then she gave him the once over with her eyes and added, "you must be detective pretty boy, huh?" Which, unfortunately, was what some of the other detectives had taken to calling him, rather mockingly at that.

Eddie's smile was insincere. He hated the nickname. Made him feel like he was a little kid again, getting mocked for everything from his weight to his 'stupid dad, who got everyone fired'. But he remained polite, because how was Miss West to know she'd just hit a sore spot.

And then Eddie saw the way Barry was looking at Iris and felt his heart sink.

His smile turned from merely insincere to painfully fixed and he fumbled for an excuse for both why he'd walked in and also to get him out of there immediately. "It's nice to meet you," he lied pleasantly, and then asked Barry about some evidence on his case.

"Oh, yeah, that actually just needs to finish printing," Barry told him, gesturing to the half finished report. "Should be done in a minute or so."

"We're headed out to lunch," Iris interjected. "You could come along too, Detective Thawne."

If he'd met Iris first, Eddie'd probably have fallen hard for her. But he met Barry first and so he's devastated instead. "Thanks, but I'll have to take a rain check," he replied. And when the last page printed, he fled back to his desk with the report.

"You could've said he had a girlfriend," Eddie muttered when Detective Dalton asked what was wrong.

"Oh, they're not dating. Iris West wouldn't know Barry Allen was alive if Joe hadn't taken Barry in when his parents died." Which, at least, did fit with the behavior Eddie'd seen upstairs.

Didn't make Barry any less unobtainable for Eddie, though.

* * *

Eddie had resolved to give up on his crush on Barry. And while Iris was cute and interested, Eddie made it clear he wasn't going there either. Hooking up with the woman his crush had a crush on would just be spiteful and mean, no matter how adorable she might be.

But... Barry would ask Eddie to join him for lunch sometimes. And, just to be polite, Eddie would agree and maybe sometimes ask Barry to get drinks with him after work. As friends. Eddie could do with a few more friends, after all, and Barry was so much fun to hang out with. And if Eddie wished hanging out would turn into a date, well...

That was his problem. Not Barry's.

* * *

"I don't think I should be on this case," Barry said to the Captain, nervously.

"Why would that be, Mr. Allen?" was Singh's somehow simultaneously exhausted and curious reply.

"Because, uh, the lead suspect, Tony Woodward?" Barry looked embarrassed now. "He bullied me throughout middle school and high school."

"Can you be objective with your findings?" Singh asked.

"Yes, that's not the problem. The problem is whether or not a defense attorney could credibly make it look like I'm not being objective."

Which, fair enough. Singh seemed to realize that too, so he dismissed Barry and went for his phone to call in one of the off site CSIs to the crime scene.

Eddie tapped Barry's shoulder as he packed up his evidence kit. "You okay? I know its not easy running into someone who used to bully you."

"Yeah?" Barry blinked at Eddie disconcertedly. "Surely you didn't get bullied in school..."

"Oh no, I was overweight and my dad was a politician whose policies got a number of stores closed down because he attracted 'big businesses' like Walmart and Barnes and Nobles and... you know, those places got mom and pop stores closed anywhere they moved in and so all the kids knew was my dad made their parents lose their jobs." Elementary school and junior high had sucked.

High school was easier. He got into football and wrestling, his baby fat turned into muscle, and suddenly he was very attractive to all those kids who used to call him names. So he ended up not dating at all until college because it was awkward when the prettiest girl in school asked him out but she used to make fun of his weight or one of the basketball players wanted to make out with him under the bleachers but he used to hit Eddie at recess because his parents went from business owners to working the Walmart checkout line. So high school was easier, but still hard.

"Do you want to get some drinks after work tonight?" Barry asked.

Eddie grinned and tried to ignore the flippy feeling in his stomach. "Yeah, I'd like that."

* * *

So, while hanging out with Barry, Eddie finds out Barry is also bi.

"This explains why we're both utter disasters," Eddie teased as they watched _Doctor Who_ on Prime and ogled first Christopher Eccleston and then David Tenant. 

"I'm pretty sure the chronic lateness is an ADHD thing on my part, but otherwise? Yeah, we are, aren't we?" Barry agreed with a giggle that was a little alcohol fueled.

Eddie was pretty sure that he needed to offer up his couch for the night. He wanted to offer up his bed.

Disaster bi: definition? Eddie Thawne.

"You know... Iris really likes you."

Eddie eyed Barry's drink and tried to figure out just how drunk Barry actually was to be bringing this up. "She also likes that guy in her Classic Lit class. Steve or Dave or something with a v in it. Or was it Veronica in Classic Lit and Danny in the online media course?" Okay, so Eddie was kind of tipsy too.

"Yeah, it's Veronica and Danny," Barry muttered into his beer, looking maudlin now.

"You like Iris," Eddie pointed out quietly. "I'm not gonna ask out my best friend's crush. Bro code, or whatever."

"I-I..." Barry's eyes went wide. "I don't... how did you know???"

"It's obvious to everyone not named after a flower," Eddie replied dryly. "Even Detective West knows. I can tell."

"Oh god..."

"Just... just tell her, Barry."

"She tells me I'm 'like a brother' all the time," Barry groaned, putting his head in his hands. "I can't tell her."

"Okay, that is awkward. How long've you liked her anyway?"

Barry put his beer down and slumped against Eddie's shoulder. "Since before my parents died. Had this big crush on her and suddenly I was living with her and it was so awkward. She never even noticed. Not once. Notices cute guys and girls all the time. We've got, like, the same taste in attractive people. But she doesn't notice me at all."

"Which is weird 'cause you're really cute," Eddie muttered, then blushed when Barry blinked owlishly at him. "Well you are. One disaster bi to another, let me assure you. You're a very cute guy."

Barry blushed. "Thanks Eddie."

"You should stay the night. On the couch. You've kinda..."

"Yeah. Don't really wanna go home alone when I've had this much to drink." Barry's eyes fluttered shut. "I'm just gonna... nap a little now." And then he was asleep, snoring softly on Eddie's shoulder.

"I'll just watch one more episode," Eddie muttered, though he fell asleep halfway through and woke in the early morning with his cheek awkwardly pillowed against the top of Barry's head.

* * *

One night Barry knocks on Eddie's door pretty late, clearly upset.

"Hey, Barry... what's wrong?" Eddie ushers the other man inside, but Barry just shakes his head.

"I don't... I don't really want to talk about it. Can I just... can I just hang out with you for a while?"

Eddie hugs Barry and wonders, idly, if maybe Barry finally told Iris how he felt and got shot down. Barry hugs back, clinging to Eddie and snuffling sadly. "Of course, Barry."

But the next day Eddie revises his guess from the wishful thinking that maybe, just maybe, Barry was finally taking steps to move on from Iris to the more realistic assumption that Barry and Iris had a fight. Mostly because Iris shows up at lunch and argues with Barry in his lab about something before storming away, glaring at Eddie as she stomped past.

"Why did she look at me like that and should I be in fear for my life?" Eddie asked as he slipped into Barry's lab.

"You, uh, you didn't hear any of that... did you?" Barry asked, nervous.

"Nope. Seriously? Is Iris going to try to maim me in a dark alley somewhere or what?"

"She's just upset and glaring at everyone. She gets that from Joe," Barry reassured Eddie half-heartedly. "I'm the one who needs to worry about her vicious streak."

"So you two had an argument last night?" Eddie tested the waters carefully.

"Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nope."

"Want to grab lunch and talk about something else, then?"

"Oh, god, yes." Barry snatched his wallet and phone out of his desk. "Where do you want to go?"

* * *

October rolls around and that puts Eddie at having been part of the CCPD for eight months. And one might think that, after the first time he embarrassed himself nearly smacking into the bullpen door frame he would've learned not to stare at Barry's ass as the CSI walked up the stairs to his lab.

Eddie had not learned. Eight months, and he had not learned.

This time he really did smack into the door frame and Dalton was openly laughing at Eddie as he scurried to his desk.

"So, are you finally going to man up and ask Allen to be your date to the Halloween office party or is there going to more of the two of you making doe eyes at each other while studiously insisting there's nothing going on there?"

"There is nothing going on there," Eddie grumbled, turning on his computer with, perhaps, more force than necessary. "Wait... what Halloween office party?"

"The weekend before Halloween we have a costume party at City Hall. My wife and I usually go as Morticia and Gomez Addams. 'Cause they're, ya know, almost as well adjusted and crazy in love as we are," Dalton grinned and Eddie rolled his eyes with a smile. "Should be an email going out with details later today."

When the email with the details does, indeed, arrive in Eddie's inbox that afternoon, he psychs himself up and goes upstairs.

"Hey, Barry," Eddie let himself into the lab. "You got a minute?"

"For you, Eddie? Always." Barry beamed at him.

Eddie flushes with pleasure at hearing those words. "So, um, are you planning on going to the Halloween party? The emails just went out..."

"Huh? Oh, yeah. It's a yearly thing. Iris and I always go together."

And just like that, Eddie feels his heart plummet. He makes small talk and confirms it really is a costume party, Dalton wasn't just messing with him, and then he flees back to his desk.

"You okay?" Dalton asks.

"Fine." Eddie is absolutely grateful when they're called out on a crime scene half an hour later and the assigned CSI is one of the off site guys instead of Barry.

* * *

In the three weeks leading up to the Halloween party, Eddie avoids Barry but tries not to look like he's avoiding Barry. He needs to get over this crush before he hurts their friendship. But Barry is persistent and they spend more time together than Eddie had intended.

He's frustrated in so many ways and very tempted to just skip the party altogether. Someone's gotta be on duty that night. Maybe Eddie'll volunteer.

Eddie doesn't volunteer. Instead he gets dragged to Party City with Barry and Iris and goes home with a pirate costume that Barry said looked good on him. Eddie has no opinion on it either way and Iris had been kind of meh about it. But Barry thought he looked good in it and so Eddie had taken it straight to the register.

The whole getting over his crush thing was clearly not going well at all.

* * *

Eddie almost doesn't go to the party. But he spends the entire time debating the pros and cons of attending while putting on the pirate costume and doing a little makeup to accent the look and by the time he's finished he can't help but think it'd be an awful shame to have gotten all dolled up and then go nowhere.

And Barry was right; the pirate costume looks good on Eddie.

So he shows up at City Hall and joins the party. And sees Barry dressed as an archer - there was purple in there, so Hawkeye maybe? - with a sleeveless shirt that really shows off his arms. Were his arms always that nice under his sleeves? (Maybe Eddie could get Barry to flex those arms some, really give Eddie a gun show to appreciate... without straight up asking for a gun show...)

Iris was, of course, standing right next to Barry dressed as Laura Croft. Arguably a much hotter Laura Croft than Angelina Jolie. 

Eddie nearly turns around and walks out because... because he can't do this. Can't spend the night at this party watching Barry pine after Iris while oblivious to how Eddie is pining after him. Except Barry clearly sees Eddie and visibly lights up, hurrying over to Eddie and dragging the detective over.

And for the next two hours, Barry is just... almost near constantly touching Eddie. Hand on his arm, his shoulders, his back (Eddie praying the hand both would and wouldn't go lower all at the same time), and even once brushing fingers along Eddie's hip. Eddie's so confused and turned on by the time they stumble out of the party into the cool night air. And the way Barry is staring at Eddie...

"You two aren't even listening anymore, are you?" Iris sighed, amused and annoyed all at once.

"Hmm?" Eddie tore his eyes away from Barry to look over at her.

"You two have a good night. Have fun. Use protection," she added the last with a smirk and stuck her tongue out at them before ducking into her car.

"Did she just...?" Eddie swallowed hard at the implication and looked back at Barry, who was blushing but also wearing a very determined expression.

"Is it okay if I kiss you?" Barry asked.

Eddie might've squeaked. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"I thought you and Iris..." Eddie trailed off because what was he doing? Just say yes already, geez.

"I'm probably always going to be a little in love with Iris," Barry admitted. "But I'm more interested in dating you. And I, uh... we might've been arguing over you a little bit, the other month. I told you, Iris and I have the same taste in people?"

Eddie nodded.

"Well, she's kind of... dated people I wanted to date before. So I got upset with her when she said she was going to ask you out and we, uh, fought and I sort of... I told her about my feelings for her. And for you. And she got mad at me for waiting so long to say anything and I think she was annoyed about other stuff I said too, but... yeah. There's not going to be an Iris and me unless you mean us being BFFs and I'm rambling aren't I?" Barry's mouth snapped shut.

Eddie had no idea what to say. So he leaned over and kissed Barry. And then he whined softly when Barry's hands immediately went to Eddie's hair, toying with the short hairs at the back of his neck.

"I was going to ask you to this party as a date," Eddie admitted when they parted for air. "But then you said... you said you always went to this with Iris and I thought..."

"Sorry. I'm sorry..." Barry dragged Eddie back into another kiss, one hand trailing down Eddie's back and it... it went lower. Teasingly trailing fingers just above Eddie's ass. He whined again.

"My car's over there." Eddie gestured to the left vaguely.

"Take me home with you?" Barry panted against Eddie's lips.

"Yeah." 

Iris had given them some good advice. Thankfully, Eddie already had condoms in his nightstand. No need to make a pit stop on the way back to his apartment.

* * *

(Eddie smacked into the door frame again the next day.

Dalton was shaking his head faux-mournfully as Eddie settled at his desk, a touch shame faced. "You know, I thought after I saw you two making out in the parking lot last night you'd have gotten enough of a view of Allen's ass during the night that you wouldn't need to stare longingly at it this morning."

"Shut up, Dalton."

"Please tell me there's gonna be less doe eyes now that you two are an item?"

"For god's sake, Dalton, Joe West is right over there. Shut up."

Sometimes Eddie hated his partner. Now, as Dalton laughed at him, was definitely one of those times.)


End file.
